When I was a teenager and started wearing make up I wouldn't leave the house without it. I had this complejo about the dark circles under my eyes. I thought they were so obvious and the second my moms allowed me to wear make up I bought coverup to make them lighter. Even when I wore nothing else, I made sure those dark spots were as invisible as I could make them.
When I got to the end of my freshman year in college and found sleeping and engaging in 3am conversations more important than what I looked like with no sleep, I stopped caring about what was--or wasn't--on my face before I left my dorm room. That stage lasted about two years (depending on my mood) but was pretty much my m.o. along with overalls and hooded sweatshirts.
When I entered the working world I quickly realized that being "low maintenance" (little makeup, little fuss over my clothes) was still my favorite option, but I dressed for the role I wanted to have: a successful New York writer/editor. Because despite my preferences people were still going to judge me for what I looked like. So I dutifully did my hair, put on some color and bought my best business casual at local stores.
As I got older, more confident/competent/comfortable, with my skills, my gifts and my me, I struck a balance between "cute" and "comfortable." I wore clothes that flattered my figure but were less trendy because let's face it, just cause it looks good doesn't mean it will look good on you. I tried hairstyles and makeup that required little upkeep and nothing more than a washing and a swipe of color while I rode the train from home to office. So as my love for fashion, adornments and all things "girly" grew 10-fold (I swear accessories cure all evils) I kept the see-saw level between my need to be me and the "me" I liked presenting in plain sight.
Lately I have foresaken even this balance, especially in my professional environment. Splitting my time and self into various facets has made sleep more important and jumping into whatever is clean and weather proof priority. I've even scaled back on my jewelery (something I literally feel naked without). I didn't think I missed any of it. Sure I still love getting dressed up, but I'll take a pair of jeans and kicks over tight skirts and heels any day. Or at least that's what I thought.
Recently I was asked to speak on a panel about "powerful women" to college students. Since it was a formal event, I planned out an outfit, grabbed my favorite necklaces and bangles and painted on my favorite colored eyeliner. I felt amazing. I literally walked with more swagger that day. I knew it had been toned down a bit, but walking in my heels and hearing my them clack against the ground was like a personal alarm clock. "Get up and move!" "Stay motivated!" "You are presenting the you inside to the world outside!"
I felt so dag on good that I kept up the routine for a whole two weeks. It added some zest to my day and reminded me that my evolution is ongoing; I need to present myself for me, not just for other people.
Something about choosing to put on decor is so personal. And for months I had abandoned it in favor of simplicity or mood; sometimes I feel like rocking all my glories and sometimes I don't. It's almost like body armor. Not always for protection (well maybe sometimes), not always for attention (well maybe sometimes) but for me. To fortify who I am, remind myself that I don't just occupy "a role" but that I am the person I present myself to be. Or as I like to put it: "me, only better." =)
