November 25, 2009

Hi Hater!

Below is a piece I wrote, and have since edited, for my sorority newsletter. I post it on this blog because the more I think about it, all women, not just my Hermanas or those who I take responsibility for, should consider the concept of how women treat one another. Enjoy - JRod

"Women hate women." - Chris Rock

And apparently, I hate women too. My most recent obsession is The "Real Housewives" series, Atlanta and New Jersey respectively. Weekly, I’m drawn into–dare I say it?—the entertainment of how these women live, relate to each other and get caught up in drama. But the core of what entertained me—the drama—was actually sad. I realized how these women presented themselves and the images they reflected—self-centered, materialistic, insecure—was what we, women especially, were buying into. But like a bad car accident I can’t tear my eyes away. So whether I like it or not, I validate the stereotype giving onus to the idea that these images are the norm.

When I actually considered Chris Rock’s words, I realized he touched on something many of us hadn’t, or are afraid to voice or even consider: women do hate women. And it’s easy to find examples of it. Flip through any radio station, Facebook/ MySpace/ Twitter entry, television channel and you'll see, read and hear the declarations, accusations and anger that we direct at each other. The Real Housewives, The Flavor of Love, Charm School, The Bachelor….the list of media images is endless. Accepted societal perceptions dictate that women are supposed to fight over men, are untrustworthy, are wildly insecure, rationalize their insecurity with horrid behavior towards other women, are catty, and do not uplift one another. I believe that, subconsciously, women “hate” on each other. Not with malintent or purpose but in a socially acceptable way; from the way we comment on a woman clothes, body, hair, speech, walks, etc., to how we react to other women’s attitudes.

I’m by no means saying that’s the “norm” for everyone. But it’s what has become typically accepted and more bothersome, expected. By men, by women, by our society at large.

What should, at times, be healthy competition snowballs into rivalry and denigrates to dissent and eventually outright hostility. And it’s not anyone’s “fault” when we’re all responsible for either reflecting contentious feelings/behavior we receive or projecting our own insecurities on to others.

The heart of the matters lies with the fact that this sociology destroys community rather than builds it. The constant and excessive action—whether its’ self-initiated or reactive—wears us down and builds upon misogynistic perceptions rather than creating new, positive ones. It also demonstrates how we look outside of ourselves at negativity for positive reinforcement and detract from our actual intentions and potential power.

Some of us are fortunate enough to have intellectual capital—the privilege of higher education, social consciousness, civic-mindedness, ambitions and aspirations—we’re better than we portray ourselves to be. And as women, we are responsible for one another.

I don’t say this to preach, accuse or blame. I say it because I wish to change the dynamic that we contribute to.
I’m guilty as charged, if not more so, because my actions are accompanied by a keen consciousness that these issues exists. Rather than negate each others’ existence or cut each other down, let’s build one another up and change perceptions on a larger, global scale. If we are to move forward as a group and overcome the obstacles and battles placed before us at every turn, we need to start with our attitudes and ourselves.

In doing research to write this, I came across a quote that struck me as beyond appropriate for how we as women can move ourselves forward: "We cannot create functional movements if we refuse to address the dysfunction within us.” – bell hooks.

I couldn’t agree more.

November 5, 2009

Insanity At Its Best

I love New York.

I am a life-long New Yorker. I was born and raised in the 'burbs (Long Island to be exact) but spent a good deal of my childhood in the outer boroughs thanks to my Brooklyn-ite parents. This means that I regularly glimpsed the special kinds of insanity and uniqueness that comes with daily life in New York City.

So tonight I had a chance to see this insanity which reminded me of the kind and type of freedom that NYC affords to its inhabitants. As soon as I boarded the uptown A train from W. 4th street (in the West Village which for anyone who knows its history has its own brand of crazy) I saw it happen. A young man,dressed in jeans and a long sleeved T-shirt had a gleaming red face. I wasn't sure if he was a teen en route from a belated Halloween celebration or if he was a theater geek. And then....it happened.

My man, with his dirty blonde 'fro and red painted face, pulled off his pullover and began quietly talking to himself, full Joker grin in place. He quickly bent down and stood up with a bottle of red paint in hand and began covering his arms, torso, neck and face (mouth included) with the gooey red substance.

Most of the curious onlookers/fellow passengers looked on in wonderment, standing as observers like most New Yorkers do, not saying much of anything. After covering his upper body in the goopy paint, he proceeded to press his face against the glass, giggle and put his fingerprints on white stickers that he pulled from his book bag.

"I'm living art!" he exclaimed to the man in front of him on the crowded car. Though the man didn't give him much of a response, he continued with his feedback.

As I watched him pull his shirt back on, his jacket arm in arm and a fuzzy hat on his head, I realized that only in New York, and only in the subway, would that type of behavior be common and acceptable and unquestioned. It reminded me of all the other unusual events I had seen on the subway: the man who stripped in the middle of a car on a dare; the man so engrossed in his music and dancing that he put on an unintentional show for all to see; the woman who boarded the train with a life sized version of a firetruck and stood in front, protecting it.

I believe New York City, its energy, its vibe, all allow a degree of freedom and autonomy that can't be found anywhere else.

Geeze, despite living across the river, I still love New York.