Spring Cleaning

I've never been good at letting things go. Blame it on my packrat tendencies or sentimentalism, but I cling to things for comfort, memories and security. And i mean everything-notes I traded in JHS, my cheerleading sneakers that I know I'll never wear again, childhood birthday cards, old Menudo buttons. I hoarded it all. I even rationalized it was necessary. This was the physical evidence of my life that would be soarly missed if ever an archive about me was created (ha!). But as the years passed and I found myself lugging boxes filled with lots of stuff that I hadn't looked at since it came into my life except when I was packing and shifting it around, I realized I needed to let some things go. So I relented and found that perging items from my life that I had no use for was actually a good thing. I became a minimalist of sorts (maybe not quite but at least I'd pared down on the amount of stuff I had) and began keeping only the necessities and only hanging on to those things I could not bare to part with.

I say all this because I recently made a major purge from my life. During one of my ADD moments this past week (warm weather and procrastination always do it), I began perusing my cellphone's contacts aka my phone book. As I scanned the list searching to make room in my overpacked contact list two entries in particular caught my eye-Michelle and Tom, my ex- boyfriend's two best friends. It's been over a year since my last real relationship ended in an "As-The-World-Turns" dramatic fashion (there was a fight, he walked out and it was a wrap). In actuality, we haven't seen or spoken to each other since.

During the last few tumultous months of our relationship, his two best friends were my only connection to him. When his behavior baffled me, I'd call Michelle to vent and gain insight. When he lost his phone or was nowhere to be found, Tom was who I called. But the truth was our connection hinged on my romantic relationship with their friend. After we broke up, I did call both of them, I wanted to know how my ex was doing aka I wasn't able to fully let go. They were both incredibly understanding and comforting, convincing me that I was better off without him. Eventuallly I did let go of my anger and hurt feelings and moved on. So deleting his friends numbers from my phone should have been no big deal, right?
Yea, not so much.

I must have stared at those two entries forever. I'm sure it was really just a few minutes, but it felt like so much longer. I stared and stared before I got the nerve to sever the only remaining ties I had to my ex. I mean even with all of the drama, I'd cared for him and once upon a time he had been an important part of my life. But I knew it was necessary for me to permanently close some doors so that I could allow others to open. So I pushed the button. "Are you sure you want to delete?" The message automatically popped up on the screen both times I went to erase their numbers. And both times, I scrolled to the "yes" option and hit "done." And it was.