Hi Hater!

Below is a piece I wrote, and have since edited, for my sorority newsletter. I post it on this blog because the more I think about it, all women, not just my Hermanas or those who I take responsibility for, should consider the concept of how women treat one another. Enjoy - JRod

"Women hate women." - Chris Rock

And apparently, I hate women too. My most recent obsession is The "Real Housewives" series, Atlanta and New Jersey respectively. Weekly, I’m drawn into–dare I say it?—the entertainment of how these women live, relate to each other and get caught up in drama. But the core of what entertained me—the drama—was actually sad. I realized how these women presented themselves and the images they reflected—self-centered, materialistic, insecure—was what we, women especially, were buying into. But like a bad car accident I can’t tear my eyes away. So whether I like it or not, I validate the stereotype giving onus to the idea that these images are the norm.

When I actually considered Chris Rock’s words, I realized he touched on something many of us hadn’t, or are afraid to voice or even consider: women do hate women. And it’s easy to find examples of it. Flip through any radio station, Facebook/ MySpace/ Twitter entry, television channel and you'll see, read and hear the declarations, accusations and anger that we direct at each other. The Real Housewives, The Flavor of Love, Charm School, The Bachelor….the list of media images is endless. Accepted societal perceptions dictate that women are supposed to fight over men, are untrustworthy, are wildly insecure, rationalize their insecurity with horrid behavior towards other women, are catty, and do not uplift one another. I believe that, subconsciously, women “hate” on each other. Not with malintent or purpose but in a socially acceptable way; from the way we comment on a woman clothes, body, hair, speech, walks, etc., to how we react to other women’s attitudes.

I’m by no means saying that’s the “norm” for everyone. But it’s what has become typically accepted and more bothersome, expected. By men, by women, by our society at large.

What should, at times, be healthy competition snowballs into rivalry and denigrates to dissent and eventually outright hostility. And it’s not anyone’s “fault” when we’re all responsible for either reflecting contentious feelings/behavior we receive or projecting our own insecurities on to others.

The heart of the matters lies with the fact that this sociology destroys community rather than builds it. The constant and excessive action—whether its’ self-initiated or reactive—wears us down and builds upon misogynistic perceptions rather than creating new, positive ones. It also demonstrates how we look outside of ourselves at negativity for positive reinforcement and detract from our actual intentions and potential power.

Some of us are fortunate enough to have intellectual capital—the privilege of higher education, social consciousness, civic-mindedness, ambitions and aspirations—we’re better than we portray ourselves to be. And as women, we are responsible for one another.

I don’t say this to preach, accuse or blame. I say it because I wish to change the dynamic that we contribute to.

I’m guilty as charged, if not more so, because my actions are accompanied by a keen consciousness that these issues exists. Rather than negate each others’ existence or cut each other down, let’s build one another up and change perceptions on a larger, global scale. If we are to move forward as a group and overcome the obstacles and battles placed before us at every turn, we need to start with our attitudes and ourselves.

In doing research to write this, I came across a quote that struck me as beyond appropriate for how we as women can move ourselves forward: "We cannot create functional movements if we refuse to address the dysfunction within us.” – bell hooks.

I couldn’t agree more.