Gone Swimming

This weekend I had the good fortune of reconnecting with a friend; this was someone whom once upon a time was like peanut butter to my jelly. We were part of a larger group that rolled tough to parties, to the beach, to amusement parks, to dinner, to impromptu movie nights at someone's home. What would begin as a hang out session would turn into an entire weekend of debauchery. If this had been my undergrad days when practically living in your friend's rooms/apartments/homes was the norm, I wouldn't have batted an eye. What made this interaction unique is that it was post-grad. We were all in our early to mid 20s, spread across several boroughs, some of us in grad school, others of us working full time. And yet somehow it was no thing to roll from the club to a diner to someone's crib and do it all over again the next day. At the time, I remember the feeling of gratitude and luck to have met such free flowing individuals who were "on the same wave" as me. I was even happier to see that the deep, intense friendships I so valued from my college experience, were not going to be a distant memory simply because I had entered "adulthood."

But unlike college, adulthood definitely got in the way of my socializing and maintaining those relationships the way that I had in the past. This group of friends was no exception.

That's why I was so happy to see this friend because although we'd kept in contact we were not hanging hard the way we once had. In fact, seeing her at our friend's baby shower, reminded me that I couldn't remember the last time we had been in the same room. But yet we found ourselves, essentially, falling into old habits. After the early afternoon gathering we ambled over to a nearby mall to gawk and lazily walk the aisles. After window shopping and snacking we casually made our way back down to the city, each person getting dropped off in kind. When my stop came up, we inevitably wound up chatting longer, from crazy family stories to random observations and then decided food was in order. After an impromptu driving lesson we grabbed some slices and lounged like we had seen each other just the day before.

I was incredibly grateful that although we were no longer PB and J, I didn't feel a need to play "catch up" or ask a thousand questions or get reacquainted or have her fill in the blanks of major life happenings. It all naturally flowed from one conversation to another. From inquiring and learning about common friends to confirming our next play date.

All I could think of once she had left was, how do we lose friendships? When do our priorities shift so drastically that we can't make the time to even share a meal or a phone call or even an email?

I'm learning more and more that the ebbs and flows of life cause us to not always be in synch and often interrupts people, plans and things we're so certain we've got on lock. I couldn't have guessed at 22 that the people I counted as part of my trusted circle would not all necessarily be there almost eight years later. But somehow, faces have changed.

Blame the contemplation on year end ruminations or pending birthday blues. Regardless of what it is, I'm just grateful that she and I are once again swimming together and have caught the same wave.